intuitive eating group-counselor kate-raleigh, nc

Overcoming Self-Hate in the Dressing Room

Bathing suits and I have a sordid history. I was wearing a swimsuit the first time I noticed other girls had different body shapes. I was 10. Here’s what I wish I could say to her.

I have always loved swimming and never used to mind bathing suits. I remember being very proud of my first bikini. It made me feel older, imagining myself like the young women I’d see on the beach in their bikinis. I loved the freedom of my bare belly in the ocean and TBH how easy it was to pee without a one-piece.

Swimming came easily to me. I loved (and still do) the freedom of the water gliding against my skin. The feeling of weightlessness (not because of weight, just because it felt like I was in space…but under water). The white noise echo of the city pool that made me feel like I was in my own world.

Bathing suits became more challenging, however. When I was 10 years old, at a swim meet, I remember looking at the other girls and noticed my belly stuck out beyond my chest. I remember thinking there was something wrong with that, but not knowing why.